Steve.Savitzky.net/Songs/three/ [pdf]

Three COBOL Hackers

Lyrics © 1983, 1984 Stephen Savitzky. Creative Commons by-nc-sa License Some Rights Reserved. .
To the tune of ``Three Whores of Winnipeg'' (traditional).

Three COBOL programmers quarrelled
One night in the local bar
Each one claimed that his payroll job
Was fastest of all by far.
    So number your decks, you hackers
    The keypunch is down the hall
    Bring on the bugs, you lazy slugs,
    Mine's the quickest of all.
The first said ``Mine is the quickest
It's obvious at first sight
We load up the tapes on Wednesday noon
And finish by Thursday night.''
The second said ``Mine is faster
The database stays on line
We fire it up at eight am
And finish by half-past nine.''
The third one said ``You pikers,
You're starting your runs too soon--
The job that we run in the morning's done
By the previous afternoon.''

http://Steve.Savitzky.net/Songs/three/
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