Lyrics © 1985 Stephen Savitzky. CC-by-nc-sa. Music: Talking Blues (traditional arr. Savitzky)
G C The other night I had this dream
D7 I was just somebody's fantasy.
G C So I went to a soothsayer, very next day
D7 To see what kind of sooth he would say.
G He said it was a bad dream
C Wouldn't worry about it, though...
D7 Who'd have enough imagination to
Well, bad dreams tend to make me feel
Like it's time to find another meal,
So I set off walking down the street
Just looking for a bite to eat.
Figured a virgin or two would
Getting a little hard to find, though.
Don't seem to get as big as they used to.
Now, about five miles down the road
Was a donkey with a heavy load.
Rider and donkey both looked old,
But as I passed them I smelled gold.
You know what gold does to a dragon?
The donkey tasted good enough
But the rider looked a little tough.
Little old guy all covered with dirt
With a bar of gold hid under his shirt.
Little bag of jewels, too.
Toasted him and served him with
And some garnets for a garnish.
Well, I wandered back the way he'd come
To find the mine that loot came from,
And thinking of all the gold I'd get
I walked straight into a dragon net.
Well, I couldn't run and I couldn't fly,
And they didn't get close enough to fry.
Then out came a bloke all dressed in red
Who looked me over and then he said:
The accused will now hear
the charges against him...
Went on for forty-five minutes.
Something about dragon on
And creating a delicacy out of a miner.
They went on talking all day long
While I sat there writing my funeral song.
When the judge said ``Guilty!''
Then, ``Fifty years to life!'' he said.
Stuck me here in this monastery
Not a virgin around for fifty miles.
Except some of the pigs, of course.
So now you've heard my tale of woe:
I'm stuck here fifty years or so,
But it's not as bad as it might seem--
The monks and me have a little scheme.
You see, they're putting in a convent
And we figure we'll split the virgins
The perpetrator wishes to acknowledge (in order):
that fellow Anon, for the Talking Blues;
Woodie Guthrie and Bob Dylan (for the *BAD* dream);
W. C. Fields, for his definition of a virgin;
a certain television series;
Arlo Guthrie's forty-five minutes;
and the Catholic Church.